*DING DING*

"update your entry"

"I was very much asnooze, mister."

It doesn't take much for us to catch on to what the other is thinking or doing lately. This morning I left a message.

"I hope you're not dead...because I'm going to kill you."

Humorously warning, I knew it had been a long night for him, but when the call didn't come, I fell back in time. Where is he? What's happened? Don't say you're going to do something and then not do it! Anger rising, trust falling...

It's a tall order, not impossible, but also bi-directional. I'd had a busy, unsettling morning already and couldn't talk when he messaged back. We'd talk later and I knew I was okay already just because we'd made contact again. Does love mean you have to be in constant communication? Hardly. Sometimes love is that persistent worry that no matter how positively you may think, the universe is a big place, full of pitfalls and unexpected turns and raises the volume of experience in your brain's ear to insufferable decibels.

We speak again. This time I feel something completely different. I am more aware now of my own shortcomings and failures than ever before, but this isn't self-loathing. This is the brightest moment in my understanding of self. This is who I am. This is who we are and we, for all independence sake, are not independent. I am the standard I wish to have upheld. He is the standard I wish to live by. We toil, we pave, we agree or disagree, but in the desire to be our mutual compliment, we believe.